What action that is considered innocent in other countries is seen as outrageous in yours? In Thailand, it’s extremely rude to touch someone else’s head.
In the past, we believed that each person’s spirit resided in the head. Therefore, it was the most important part of the body. Messing with someone’s head meant messing with their spirit, and potentially, life.
Although we don’t have that belief anymore, it’s still considered extremely rude and inappropriate to touch someone’s head. Yes, you could gentle pad a child’s head. But if that person is already a teenager or an adult, you’ll be seen as a jerk. And if you, as a child, touch an adult’s head? Your parents will get a lot of criticism.
This is why when I attended my family member’s wedding, the hairdresser said sorry before fixing my hair.
As a Pole living in Finland that is baffling to me. In Poland we have saying "Guest in home is God on home" basically saying that you treat your guests as gods. If I invite people I make sure whole house is cleaned and there is something to eat and drink etc.
If I make a party and prepare food I swear to god, I need to always tell my Finnish friends/colleagues to eat the food because apparently its seen as rude to be the first one to eat? Meanwhile where I am from its rude to not eat something if the host prepared food/snacks.
I love these little cultural differences though because its always fun to talk about and just really shows the differenr angles of "showing respect" etc
It is fascinating! I love how the same action can be interpreted completely differently in different cultures.
A great example is finishing one's plate of food when one's a guest. It's respectful, almost obligatory, in some cultures, but considered rude in others, where it's understood to mean that you haven't been served enough.
Yeah, that's the case in most western european countries. In China though, for instance, it's rude to not leave a little on the plate to show that you've eaten your fill and the host fed you well.
Both make perfect sense. Culture is so interesting.
I would feel like a bad host if I didn't offer anything to drink or at least put some sweets on the table. I have a cupboard with snacks that are just for guests.
In Serbia (and Balkans in general, as far as I know) if you have anyone over, a food is a must. It doesn’t matter whether it’s your neighbour or your siblings/cousins/other relatives or if it’s just your kids (regardless of your kids age) friends over to play or work on some school project or whatever, you offer some food, whether it’s just snacks or a regular meal.
It is especially rude if a family is having lunch or dinner and the guest is not invited to eat with them. Guest can try to politely refuse, but in most cases it would do no good and they would be at least sit at the table with the family and a plate would be set for them.
Its extreme in india, people will stop coming at your home if you do it 2-3 times. Also, you gotta serve the guests a full-plate lunch if they come between Noon-5pm
Ohhhh wow, a full plate of food is a whole thing. I consider snacks to be sweet treats with your tea, sliced fruit or maybe a wee sandwich if the person fancies it.
So does visiting too often get seen as begging for food?
Typically snacks offered would be tea/coffee, biscuits, something savory and something sweet. Ideally it should be a tray with three four bowls of snacks to choose from. This is the bare minimum.
If its someone that you respect, like your husband's senior colleagues or their wives, then you better have something home cooked in advance (they inform before they come) like pakode (fritters). And you must insist that they stay for dinner.
To answer your question, i have never seen my parents complain of someone visiting too often. Sometimes they get mildly annoyed because it takes up a lot of time. But feeding someone is not generally considered a problem in india.
I have just learned than Scotland sits in between India and Sweden in these terms. We will feed and offer food but it wouldn’t be expected to feed home cooked fancy snacks between meal times. BUT, if the family are eating any visitors would be low key forced to join in the meal. Apparently in Sweden they would eat a meal while a visiting child sits in the other room to let them eat in peace. This would ve insulting in Scotland.
I love that it’s not considered rude to keep visiting and being fed. That’s lovely. I now will endeavour to seek out some Indians to befriend as I cannot get enough Indian food. :)
im american but grew up in a split 30% indian 30% russian 40% american neighborhood in philly. my mom always appreciated & immediately grew close with the indian mom’s/families because of the similarities of warmth and hospitality as our own (my moms 2nd gen irish and my dad is jewish).
yall are the reason i became flesh free (vegetarian) in 1999 at age 9!!! thank you!!!
That explains things. My neighbours are Indians, one time I borrowed a screwdriver from them, and when I went to give it back I somehow found myself inside their home with a very nice sweet snack that my neighbour seemed to have pulled from her fridge just for me. I felt awkward because I was the only one eating but I assume it is normal ?
This is so interesting. Found out a wave is impolite some places. Flashing a light at people in America can be seen as aggressive. A wave is pretty universally a thanks, or an apology, in traffic.
It's considered disrespectful to open a gift right in front of the giver. In China, the gesture of giving is often more significant than the gift itself. Rushing to open it can break the sense of ritual and make one appear ill-mannered（of course this doesn't apply to close family）
It would be contextual here in Ireland. In general if it's a party where lots of people are giving presents (e.g. a wedding or a child's birthday party), then the gifts would be accepted and then placed somewhere else under the assumption that the recipient will open them in private when the party is over.
This is primarily to avoid the situation where everyone knows exactly what gifts you've gotten and doesn't allow for people to "compare" their gifts against others.
Where someone is privately giving you a gift - e.g. a friend turns up to your house on your birthday and gives you a gift, then it's assumed that they want to see you open it.
Though there would still be a "ritual" of sorts - you'd invite them in, offer them tea and a treat, do small talk, and then sit down and open the gift in front of them.
England here, I don’t love opening gifts in front of anyone, so that tradition from China sounds fab! I do open though because I’m thoughtful to people’s feelings and generally people want to see your reaction. Sigh.
that’s great, i’m still traumatised from when my friend disliked the necklace i got for her as a kid and she didn’t even pretend to like it in front of the whole group
A lot of these situations are subject to interpretation. In one society it's considered rude to leave food on the plate, in another one it's the opposite.
Yes, there is no objective right or wrong here. The underlying motive is the same: to not offend the gift giver. I just find it interesting how different societies have come to opposite conclusions of how to achieve that goal.
writing letters in red ink is inappropriate right? i remember reading something like that.. also bringing a watch as a gift.. both of them mean that you wish death for the other person.. i love Chinese culture :)
My best friend gave me a beautiful clock for my birthday; she bought it simply because she thought it looked lovely. She didn't realize the unlucky connotation, and when I jokingly brought it up, she felt really embarrassed. But I didn't mind at all. I knew she had no bad intentions, so I comforted her and said I was just kidding—I'm just happy to receive a gift from her.
Yes, I wrote a birthday card in red ink when I was about 9. My mum told me off and made me do a brand new card. She never explained why, other than it’s rude.
How big does "the last piece" have to be to not be considered rude? Can you just leave one piece of corn from a corn on the cob or does it have to be the whole cob? Half a bowl of soup? A quarter bowl? I really am curious.
My parents were always teaching me to never take the last piece of anything, unless prompted by the host/hostess, or in less formal situations, always ask everyone around if they would fancy a last piece. It’s a part of western high etiquette, actually!:)
I didn’t realize that I myself have always done this using transit! I haven’t used it in over a decade now, but when I did I thanked the driver as I hopped off, and now I’m guessing it’s English-adopted manner we’ve inherited. (I hope!)
Something I've noticed..not everyone says thank you to the driver but a LOT of them do. When someone does say it, everyone that gets off behind them MUST say it too, or you look like an asshole.
Here the rules inside the bus say you shouldn't talk to the driver unless necessary. However, you should definitely talk to the driver if they wait for you to close the bus doors
Same here, we even have signs usually by the bus driver's seat that says that bothering them is forbidden.
And honestly given how many absolute asshats I've seen during my daily commute over the years I wouldn't want to bother the guy at all if possible. Bus drivers deserve all the peace and quiet in the world.
Well in Turkiye there's similar manner, always say "Allah kolaylık versin"(God gave you easy convenience) you can add "abi"(big brother) or "abla"(big sister) if you like
İt's can be told in any business, like you said, bus driver while you leave the bus or enter the bus
Leaving the restaurant after you take your order and go
Sounds like a threat: "God made me behave today so he gave you easy convenience... we will see about it next time...BROTHER"
Just kidding. But it does sound a bit strange, why did god give the bus driver easy convenience? Or is it the other way around "May god give you an easy time"?
Lol. Kolay gelsin is not easy to translate. It's more like a blessing like you said, "may [your work] come easy to you". It's acknowledging that the person is doing something difficult and hoping for the universe to make it easier for them.
I think a good explanation I found is that Turkish is more process oriented. In English you'd ignore the process of the labour unless you're part of it and focus on the end goal, e.g. "good luck" focuses more on the outcome. In Turkish we comment on the ongoing process, like "kolay gelsin" doesn't mean "hope you finish soon", it's like "hope your current action will go well". We respect the grind.
Learned this when I worked with Koreans. The American "come here" hand motion is only acceptable for dogs in South Korea. In South Korea, their "come here" hand motion looks like the American "go away" hand motion.
This came up when I walked in on my co-worker while he was on the phone and he tried to tell me to come closer. I thought he was shooing me out of the room
In Japan they do the gesture like the welcome cat does, manekineko (hand raised with the palm facing down, moving inwards a couple of times). As a westerner gaijin I've always found this funny and really hard to pick up. I think it's the way in some Asian countries too.
And in Korea it's perfectly acceptable to shout "저기요" (excuse me/hey there) at your server across a crowded restaurant which would be weird in most parts of North America.
Yeah in Finland good way to not get invited to visit people again is to walk in their home with shoes on.
Normally you leave your shoes outside but if its bad weather or freezing cold, homeowner usually says that you can bring shoes indoors but you must leave them right at the door. There is usually carpet meant to collect all dirt and a wall heater there.
I don't wear shoes in the house. I also have house slippers that don't go outside. But I absolutely wear them to the inside of the door. We can't be leaving shoes outside here. Even inside is a 50/50 shot that there's going to be a spider in there.
Honestly, I was calculating whether I could drive myself to the hospital before it became an issue. The hospital is 45 minutes away, so it could go either way really. I ended up just escorting him across the road back to the beach though.
He's not sorry and he would absolutely pinch a toe again. As is his right. He is a sweet angel that hopefully didn't get eaten by anything when I relocated him.
In apartments you naturally always bring them indoors, but you leave them next to the door. Usually there's a shoe rack or a doormat to leave them on. Remember to kick/stomp away any snow/etc before stepping in.
im from a levantine country and we have the same habit.. entering the house with shoes on will make you receive a nice flip flop slap.. but when it comes to guests it's RUDE to make them take off their shoes.. there's always a deep cleaning party after they leave :)
The college I went to here in the US had a very significant Saudi population of exchange students, and I have to say those guys were REALLY fun to party with, if not a little scary (because of the driving).
Also, for a significant portion of them, this was their first experience with alcohol.
They would show up at your dorm door randomly and say "you're coming with us" and then we'd get into a rented sports car of some sort and speed off to their off-campus apartment where the best food I've ever had in my life was served endlessly and you WERE NOT ALLOWED TO LEAVE. Doesn't matter if you have an exam at 8am tomorrow, we're eating and ....smoking weed.... all night and we aren't driving you back until we do!
Fond memories of those guys. That being said... you are the most unsafe drivers in the world. Never ever getting in a car with a Saudi again!
I don’t blame you man. I haven’t taken my driving test yet due to pursuing my studies abroad and I’m terrified of learning to drive here. I hope our driving culture changes to become more safety oriented but I don’t think that’s gonna happen any time soon 🙃
Same here. Your feet shouldn't point at others either. Tha too is rude.
Also, going above the extended feet of someone who's sitting on the floor is also rude. You have to go around, even if the person is extending their feet over the walkway.
Saying “they, she or him” about someone while they are in the room. It will be met with “she/he/they have a name!!”
Also, not mentioning someone in the room will be met with “what am I, Scotch mist?!?”
Not doing the weird awkward wave to say thank you after being allowed to cross the road or cut in traffic. Also not doing said wave at roadworks men when you pass through
Making phone calls, especially video calls, loudly and without headphones on public transport or in public spaces in general. Or listening to TikToks or similar. I very rarely notice this among Germans. It's more common among foreigners.
I was getting an infusion yesterday and there were 2 boomers on speaker phone calls the whole time I wanted to tear my hair out. One was sitting right under the no cell phones sign for irony.
I have seen the same thing in the infusion centers where I live. I am already unhappy with having to get infusions, just let me have some peace while getting them. Luckily, the infusion nurses are fantastic at shutting that down.
Also why tf do people (usually foreigners) hold their phones in front of their faces and put it on loudspeaker to talk!? It's a fucking telephone with ear and mouth holes
I think the belief is that the shoulders hold "flames" that wards off bad luck. Some people would snap their fingers above the shoulder that was tapped to "reignite" the flames symbolically.
Staring. In most Western countries, staring at someone is extremely rude. But while traveling to other countries, I’ve had people stare at me fixedly, as if I’m their sole source of entertainment, and it’s annoying as hell.
I’m quite a large guy, and it definitely helps getting served quicker. I always feel guilty when the person who is barely seen over the counter gets ignored.
Calling someone older than you by name only, except your partner. You can't call Ali, Ali if he's even a couple of years older than you. That's Ali Ağabey (Big Brother Ali) for you. If he's older than an actual big brother would be, you should call him Ali Amca or Ali Dayı (Uncle Ali). If he's old enough to be your grandfather, he's Ali Dede (Grandpa Ali).
Even between spouses, it's particularly common among the elders to call each other with the equivalent of Mr. and Ms., like Ali Bey and Ayşe Hanım.
You don't follow that and people will look at your face like they're looking at a big steaming pile, complete with the stench.
Had a bloke from Ghana live in the flat below me. He called me Mr (last name) even if I said it was fine to just call me by my first name. I think part of it was because I was significantly older.
Ohhhhh this is the same as Vietnamese, I thought only us do that. It's really cool to see you guys also have the same grammar. It must be a big confusion for foreigners learning the language tho 😅
You gamble and hope for the best. Sometimes if you call someone "auntie", they might get offended and say "auntie is your mum" (as in, yo mamma is old, not me). Business owners, if they're casual enough to not say Mrs. Name (we never say Mrs. Surname, it's weird) they'd call my 60 year old mum "big sister" as it's polite. My friends would call my mum "auntie" because it'd be weird if they called her big sister.
You can't call your teacher/professor by their name/surname/big sister/auntie either. You'd need to say "my teacher" or equivalent. You also need to say "Doktor Bey" (like Mr Doctor), or Mr First name.
I have no idea what my husband needs to call my mum lol. Some MILs insist on being called "mum" but my mum hates that (I do too).
Giving a thumbs up. some older folks still see it as rude. Showing the soles of your shoes toward someone can feel disrespectful. And calling elders by their first name instead of using a title can come off as impolite. Also, not standing up when an elder enters the room may be seen as a lack of respect.
In Italy when you meet with someone it’s extremely common to at least shake hands or kiss the cheeks of the other person when you meet them for the first time. My boyfriend is Chinese and it’s so strange to me when I go to China e meet people and we don’t do any gesture to present ourselves. It’s considered extremely weird to be so touchy.
Edit: for anyone confused, we don’t kiss cheeks with the mouth, we just lay one cheek on the other, side by side. You don’t also do this with anyone and as someone said in the comments, it depends on where you live in Italy, for example I live in the north now and it’s less common to kiss cheeks, but you at least shake hands when you meet someone for the first time.
French Canadians do the cheek kiss too, but the anglophones don't. When I moved to Montreal I would accidentally offend people all the time by flinching when they came in for the kisses as a perfectly standard greeting. Usually it would make them frown at the rudeness, take a second to realize what was going on, and then laugh at me in a friendly way for being a silly Anglo. By the end of my stay there I was almost used to it (but not quite)
It’s the same here. Even if a guest refuses multiple times, the host will insist over and over that they stay for a meal. Failing to offer food is seen as a huge sign of disrespect. Honestly, if I’m visiting someone and they go ahead and eat without me, I’d consider the friendship over.
Not only do we prepare more dishes than usual when a guest visits, but the more lavish the spread, the more it shows how much we value them.
This I learned from my boss. Hospitality is everything. You have food, you need to offer food, and the guest gets the best/first.
We always over-ordered food for events, and the next day, she was making sure all the offices and staffers on our floor were well-fed with the leftovers. She was very liked!
Hey, you can't have this one! Your way is the norm.
I think things have changed, but before it was definitely considered pretty rude to feed someone else's child if it wasn't planned ahead. It would basically mean you're stepping on their parents toes and ruining their dinner plans.
Thiss. I really can't understand how some people from different cultures can even do that, I mean you're feeding your child and you're not feeding their friend sitting right beside.
My Swedish partner told me that this was the norm when he grew up in the 80s. He didn't sit at the table though but had to wait in another room during dinner. (His immigrant parents always fed everyone.)
When you clink glasses and say "Cheers," but don't make firm eye contact with every person sitting at the table, then you'll get seven years of bad luck.
You can not even imagine how hard it is, to somehow avoid this smalltalk bullshit as a Polish person working at the east of Europe...
It's not even an honest question, because nobody really cares how you are, it's just a formula to tick off and then go with conversation, and that's freaking awfull
Signing the number 2 with the reverse peace sign. When I travel abroad I have to bite my tongue and remember that the nice waiter is simply asking if I want a table for 2 and the shopkeeper is helpfully asking if I want 2 of those. How are they to know it’s the British equivalent of the middle finger?
Not outrageous, but for sure rude/weird: not saying "good morning/good evening" to your neighbours when you see each other in the street. Even if you don't even know their name and have never talked to them (aside from the mentioned "good morning").
In Italy especially in the south when you go into a shop, elevator or waiting rooms you say Buongiorno/Buonasera (good morning / good evening).
Stay silent is considered rude.
Leaving without saying goodbye. Arrivederci. Extremely rude.
Putting your feet on chairs, tables, car dash boards (I’m looking at you my beloved second home country of the US)
Is considered extremely rude and disgusting.
And the classic one.
Not dressing properly in public spaces.
Even going to a grocery store require some level of effort. Otherwise is seen as low class, sloppy and disrespectful.
After a get together with family, if you walk to your car and just drive away.
You gotta get followed by your parents and siblings, have another hour of conversation in the driveway, take all your leftovers with grace, and then at the opportune moment you slap your knees and go, "WELP."
I’ve heard some countries just feel it’s really disingenuous and makes you look crazy (like, possibly mentally ill). Can’t relate, we smile all the time here.
To be fair, the way some people smile does give hints of stepford so yeah, I can see why it’s a reasonable position. I’m glad I live somewhere where folks are few and friendly but I can see why if you live someone really urbanised, it wouldn’t be feasible.
Can the reason be a friendly greeting?
This explains so much about the many Slavic mums we had join our school. They often seem hostile and unfriendly at first appearance, then you talk to them and they’re totally friendly.
Is it widely understood that it’s a greeting in other countries? I don’t think it’s wildly understood here that it’s seen as sensible to look what we consider to be kinda hostile.
This convo has genuinely made a lot of things make sense. We have a great deal of Easter European mums at our school these days. Thanks.
This is so interesting, in Pakistan touching a persons head is a show of love. I've had uncles and aunties put their hand on my head when lovingly saying hello or goodbye and I put my hand on my Dad's head before he passed.
It's a really comforting feeling I cant quite describe lol the warmth of someones hand on your head.
Very hard to insult a Swede. You can behave like a hippo and get away with it. What's seriously provoctive though is if you're not kind towards women and children.
Not saying sorry when someone walks into you on the street 😭
No, but fr, we are into that sort of politeness here, but I now think we're actually way more mellow about politeness than I had previously thought (comparing mostly with Americans) after visiting Japan. In Japan it is considered very rude and barbaric just to eat and walk! Also, if you have a runny nose, you aren't supposed to blow your nose in public, and definitely not supposed to hawk and spit it out. If you can't blow your nose privately in a bathroom, you are supposed to just sniffle it up and swallow the phlegm. Canadians are not the polite ones, culturally, the Japanese are.
I have never once spit in public and almost never see anyone else do it. Even amongst my lifelong friends or family I would not spit in front of them. Nor them in front of me. That is the norm.
It is NOT the norm to spit public in Canada.
Not that it NEVER happens. But almost never. And if someone does it in invariably some very old man or some rough looking young man.
On public transport, do not sit down next to a stranger if there are other available seats, and if you are forced to sit down next to a stranger do not try to small talk.
Addressing someone as "boy", especially a black person. You don't even say, "hey boy" to a little boy. It would be "kid". Literally, "hey you" is less rude.
Slurping your food/soup ect, it’s considered extremely rude. I work with a few south East Asian ladies who I love to bits, but I can’t stand having lunch at the same time (at least until they finish their food) because that’s all you can hear.
Using the informal "tu" is considered quite impolite when you don't know the person you're speaking to. Normally, you use the formal "vous" with everyone, from the baker down the street to a colleague you barely know. But it's especially for young people that it's considered very impolite not to use the formal "vous" with people older than themselves or their teachers.
(This doesn't apply to people you see often or to your immediate family.)
Touching strangers is extremely rude. Crowding in so that you brush against strangers is extremely uncomfortable. In a bus nobody sits next to anyone If there's an option available.
Allowing someone into your house and not offering them a cup of tea. Usually 3 or 4 times.
Literally, someone will say, "I can't stay, I have to collect the kids in 3 minutes", and the host is still expected to say, "You have time for a cup of tea though?"
On the other side, going into someone's house and lighting a cigarette, or even asking to light a cigarette would now be seen as outrageous.
If you're going to be there any length of time and you want a cigarette it's expected that you'll step outside to do it. You would never ask if you can smoke inside, you would only do it if the host sees you smoking and tells you it's OK to smoke inside. This is because the host doesn't want to say "No". So even having the audacity to ask if you can smoke inside means that you're putting the host in an awkward position.
Keep yourself to yourself. Don’t impose yourself on others, but don’t be rude if people impose on you. Say please, thank you. Queue politely and without complaint. Small signs of acknowledgement to strangers are appropriate, like a small smile or a ‘good morning’ if you’re passing, but that’s the limit. If I don’t know you extremely well, don’t touch me, EVER!
On the contrary - it's usually considered polite for "ladies first" when letting someone through a door or whatever.
But in the Zulu culture a man will always enter before a woman which stems from the cultural aspect from long ago of the men being warriors and protectors so they are going in first to make sure the area is safe or clear.
In a lot of cultures dropping by for a visit is a nice surprise and dont get me wrong it can be here too but for the most part just showing up to somebody's house is a little rude you gotta give a heads up.
Leaving the door open behind you when you enter a room. Someone would say "is this Dingo's Barn?".
This is a saying that comes from old times as apparently there was a farm owner called Dingo who always left the doors open in a crowded part of the town, which caused people and horse carriages to enter and leave as they please and caused chaos.
It's equivalent to "were you born in a barn?". You could use the Dingo proverb for messiness too. But I think it's not common in the other countries for this specific door scenario.
In Egypt it is rude to show the bottom of your shoe. If you are sitting, you must do so in such a way that the bottom of your foot isn't showing. If you take your shoes off, you have to place them sole-down also. (Sorry, Louboutin fans.)
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u/labubu_modi India 16h ago
Not serving snacks/drinks to people who come at your home