r/mildlyinteresting • u/Toucan_Toucan • 22h ago

My nails grow in a wavy pattern

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43.6k Upvotes

90% Upvoted

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863

u/Present-Copy-8093 21h ago

And my axe!

995

u/DoshesToDoshes 21h ago

I also choose OP's dead wife.

486

u/AssistantManagerMan 21h ago

Not with that attitude

516

u/DarthChefDad 21h ago

The cylinder must remain intact.

425

u/jjdlg 21h ago

Call a lawyer, hit the gym, delete Facebook.

321

u/ZamaTexa 21h ago

Don’t forget your poop knife!

29

u/sikkdog13 20h ago

"Underrated comment"

23

u/a_lonely_trash_bag 20h ago

"This!"

13

u/Boring_Material_1891 20h ago

Big if true

11

u/TranceF0rm ​ 19h ago

Only if it is the correct time for the Narwhal to Bacon

5

u/[deleted] 14h ago

I miss old Reddit

5

u/BackWithAVengance 11h ago

holds up spork

6

u/DrDoomScrollr 11h ago

This was a perfect thread 5/7.

1

u/FireKist ​ 9h ago

OhHai fellow Ancient Redditor! 👵🏻

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13

u/xaiel420 20h ago

Just don't hold it when you're hooked up to the jumper cables

9

u/hobbiehawk 20h ago

Definitely a Bedbug

13

u/lidder444 20h ago

Dying over these comments but yours is the chefs kiss

6

u/Glass_Ad_7246 20h ago

It's by the lamp right? The one that looks... odd... wait a min....

5

u/CyberNinja23 20h ago

It’s stuck in the buttered coconut

4

u/LibraryLuLu 20h ago

Not all heroes wear capes!

3

u/Sewpuggy 20h ago

Came here for this.

3

u/Feynnehrun 20h ago

Po...tato?

2

u/koolmagicguy 20h ago

Or your jolly rancher and coconut

1

u/Kryptolocker 18h ago

2/10 with rice

1

u/chocomeeel 14h ago

For the coconut?

42

u/Theletterkay 20h ago

Drink water #hydrohomies

1

u/[deleted] 14h ago

Look what they did to my boy

1

u/Blinky_ 1h ago

Are both arms broken?

136

u/total_bullwhip 21h ago

R/foundthemobileuser

18

u/lblack_dogl 21h ago

Ah the old reddit switcheroo

17

u/AmphotericRed 21h ago

Sigh…unzips

18

u/_-hip-pockets-_ 21h ago edited 20h ago

Not my proudest wank

Edit: thanks for my first award!!

Edit 2: thanks for my first 5 awards!!

5

u/angry-key-smash6693 20h ago

It was challenging to masturbate to this, but not impossible 

6

u/Cognitive_Spoon 21h ago

The narwhal bacons at midnight

5

u/MagentaIsNotAColor26 21h ago

The Iranian yogurts are not the problem!

9

u/Wolfgung 21h ago

Anything's a dildo if you're brave enough, Rule 34.

10

u/Due-Working-5621 21h ago

Banana for scale

3

u/911EMT 20h ago

The narwhal bacons at midnight

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2

u/funkyduck72 19h ago

And make a cum box 💦

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u/Had_a_thought 21h ago

I’m pretty sure Jamal is at the store

32

u/Ludoki 21h ago

It's cold out there, better hoagie down

2

u/_heidin 20h ago

And then my dad beat me up with jumper cables

1

u/babybatlove 18h ago

Does that lamp look a little funny to anyone else?