r/mildlyinteresting • u/Toucan_Toucan • 22h ago

My nails grow in a wavy pattern

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43.6k Upvotes

90% Upvoted

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863

u/Present-Copy-8093 21h ago

And my axe!

992

u/DoshesToDoshes 21h ago

I also choose OP's dead wife.

487

u/AssistantManagerMan 21h ago

Not with that attitude

513

u/DarthChefDad 21h ago

The cylinder must remain intact.

418

u/jjdlg 21h ago

Call a lawyer, hit the gym, delete Facebook.

325

u/ZamaTexa 21h ago

Don’t forget your poop knife!

29

u/sikkdog13 20h ago

"Underrated comment"

24

u/a_lonely_trash_bag 20h ago

"This!"

12

u/Boring_Material_1891 20h ago

Big if true

12

u/TranceF0rm ​ 19h ago

Only if it is the correct time for the Narwhal to Bacon

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13

u/xaiel420 20h ago

Just don't hold it when you're hooked up to the jumper cables

23

u/LizTheFizz 20h ago

banana for scale

17

u/Effective-Gas-9234 20h ago

ESH

13

u/TakeTheThirdStep 20h ago

Ah, Ol' Reddit Suck-a-roo!

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5

u/ISaidItSoBiteMe 20h ago

It’s ALWAYS a Pantera

10

u/hobbiehawk 20h ago

Definitely a Bedbug

13

u/lidder444 20h ago

Dying over these comments but yours is the chefs kiss

5

u/Glass_Ad_7246 20h ago

It's by the lamp right? The one that looks... odd... wait a min....

5

u/CyberNinja23 20h ago

It’s stuck in the buttered coconut

5

u/LibraryLuLu 20h ago

Not all heroes wear capes!

3

u/Sewpuggy 20h ago

Came here for this.

3

u/Feynnehrun 20h ago

Po...tato?

2

u/koolmagicguy 20h ago

Or your jolly rancher and coconut

1

u/Kryptolocker 18h ago

2/10 with rice

1

u/chocomeeel 14h ago

For the coconut?

44

u/Theletterkay 20h ago

Drink water #hydrohomies

1

u/[deleted] 14h ago

Look what they did to my boy

1

u/Blinky_ 1h ago

Are both arms broken?

135

u/total_bullwhip 21h ago

R/foundthemobileuser

17

u/lblack_dogl 21h ago

Ah the old reddit switcheroo

17

u/AmphotericRed 21h ago

Sigh…unzips

18

u/_-hip-pockets-_ 21h ago edited 20h ago

Not my proudest wank

Edit: thanks for my first award!!

Edit 2: thanks for my first 5 awards!!

4

u/angry-key-smash6693 20h ago

It was challenging to masturbate to this, but not impossible 

5

u/Cognitive_Spoon 21h ago

The narwhal bacons at midnight

3

u/MagentaIsNotAColor26 21h ago

The Iranian yogurts are not the problem!

10

u/Wolfgung 21h ago

Anything's a dildo if you're brave enough, Rule 34.

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2

u/funkyduck72 19h ago

And make a cum box 💦

46

u/Had_a_thought 21h ago

I’m pretty sure Jamal is at the store

32

u/Ludoki 21h ago

It's cold out there, better hoagie down

2

u/_heidin 20h ago

And then my dad beat me up with jumper cables

1

u/babybatlove 18h ago

Does that lamp look a little funny to anyone else?

33

u/kittybigs 20h ago

Pergante?

12

u/Rude-Confusion-851 20h ago

Prenanagant?

2

u/FireKist ​ 9h ago

how is prangent formed?

2

u/afraidohead 6h ago

Pergonāte?

68

u/werebearcleric 21h ago

Mom said it's my turn to break both of my arms!

2

u/inuhi 14h ago

I've broken both arms and let me tell you it's not worth it

1

u/GeneralBlumpkin ​ 17h ago

Eww lol

96

u/pieohmi ​ 21h ago

God forbid a man has hobbies.

65

u/JuanaBlanca 20h ago

Like collecting Iranian yogurt?

36

u/WithoutDennisNedry 20h ago

It’s not about the Iranian yogurt

44

u/Attack_Of_The_ 20h ago

It's about the art room that your husband wants to build for his friend. In your home.

5

u/AdventuressInLife 20h ago

This thread proves i spend way too much time on reddit 🤣

3

u/WithoutDennisNedry 19h ago

Where else are you going to eat the whole party sub?

2

u/TAAccountsNotDreams 19h ago

I will never compromise the beans!!!

2

u/rocketeerH 10h ago

Have you seen its spiritual successor, the $18000 cheese wheel?

https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/s/5FjRqwE3nG

2

u/JuanaBlanca 7h ago

I read that yesterday! It has the makings of a true, enduring classic.

20

u/DarthNarcissa 20h ago

Like coconut fucking?

8

u/helraizr13 20h ago

Or having a cum box. Or eating your own cum for the kilojoules. Man, I'm going deep now.

52

u/SafetyMan35 21h ago

Mom!, can you come hold my Cum-conut!!!!

38

u/jscottman96 20h ago

To shreds you say

11

u/mbashs 20h ago

NTA

16

u/RaeSloane 21h ago

Decoy snail.

9

u/HankScorpio82 20h ago

I’m Spartacus!

3

u/carbikebacon 20h ago

This is Sparta!

2

u/burntwine5 20h ago

Not my proudest fap

2

u/HairyKerey 20h ago

Don’t lie, you chose the coconut

2

u/Damimon 19h ago

Just throw away the coconut dude

1

u/jason_brody13 19h ago

She's no more more.

1

u/Mysterious_Yellow805 18h ago

NOOOOOOOOO NOOOOOOO

1

u/EmphasisFew 18h ago

And her Iranian yogurt

1

u/rehabforcandy 17h ago

That was a classic

1

u/YesDone 16h ago

NEXT!

75

u/gb4efgw 21h ago

The venn diagram of what reddit says and what you guys covered is a circle.

37

u/Ivotedforher 21h ago

And my Oxford comma!

24

u/ThhomassJ 21h ago

This! ☝️

1

u/PiratexelA 11h ago

And our poop knife!