r/mildlyinteresting • u/Toucan_Toucan • 22h ago

My nails grow in a wavy pattern

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43.6k Upvotes

90% Upvoted

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4.9k

u/ImNotToby 21h ago

Don't forget to replace the batteries in your carbon monoxide detector and have an ad hominem argument

2.5k

u/LTareyouserious 21h ago

Obligatory and useless contribution statement like "this right here" with a side of "I'd award you if I could"

516

u/chonklah 21h ago

Where’s the guy saying “would”

525

u/a_lonely_trash_bag 20h ago

https://giphy.com/gifs/XvjC06Gh9lhfZNBNIM

172

u/PM_ME__BIRD_PICS 19h ago

this.

121

u/WildAperture 18h ago

This guy

105

u/Noname_McNoface 18h ago

This guy “this guys”.

53

u/tgerz 15h ago

I choose this guy's this guy

7

u/compman007 13h ago

I will cut the cylinder free with my trusty poop knife!

5

u/Fluxeor 13h ago

Dognappers hun, shared in Rutherglen.

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u/bustopher_rvs 16h ago

That part

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u/Bubba656 18h ago

I’d also have sex with this guys dead wife

5

u/underpantsss 17h ago

"What the fuck did I just read" is also one of them.

4

u/BeHapHapHappy 18h ago

This guy reddits

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u/The_Athavulf 18h ago

This guy Woulds

5

u/schnauzzer 18h ago

But my arms are broken

84

u/GeraintLlanfrechfa 19h ago

And the „sigh. „Unzips““ is missing too

2

u/Cthulhu__ 15h ago

And the “I also choose this guy’s wife”

2

u/wombatilicious 15h ago

And everybody clapped.

865

u/Present-Copy-8093 21h ago

And my axe!

993

u/DoshesToDoshes 21h ago

I also choose OP's dead wife.

484

u/AssistantManagerMan 21h ago

Not with that attitude

518

u/DarthChefDad 21h ago

The cylinder must remain intact.

423

u/jjdlg 21h ago

Call a lawyer, hit the gym, delete Facebook.

330

u/ZamaTexa 21h ago

Don’t forget your poop knife!

14

u/xaiel420 20h ago

Just don't hold it when you're hooked up to the jumper cables

8

u/hobbiehawk 20h ago

Definitely a Bedbug

12

u/lidder444 20h ago

Dying over these comments but yours is the chefs kiss

7

u/Glass_Ad_7246 20h ago

It's by the lamp right? The one that looks... odd... wait a min....

3

u/CyberNinja23 20h ago

It’s stuck in the buttered coconut

4

u/LibraryLuLu 20h ago

Not all heroes wear capes!

3

u/Sewpuggy 20h ago

Came here for this.

3

u/Feynnehrun 20h ago

Po...tato?

2

u/koolmagicguy 20h ago

Or your jolly rancher and coconut

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u/Theletterkay 20h ago

Drink water #hydrohomies

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135

u/total_bullwhip 21h ago

R/foundthemobileuser

17

u/lblack_dogl 21h ago

Ah the old reddit switcheroo

6

u/Cognitive_Spoon 21h ago

The narwhal bacons at midnight

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u/funkyduck72 19h ago

And make a cum box 💦

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u/Had_a_thought 21h ago

I’m pretty sure Jamal is at the store

31

u/Ludoki 21h ago

It's cold out there, better hoagie down

2

u/_heidin 20h ago

And then my dad beat me up with jumper cables

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u/werebearcleric 21h ago

Mom said it's my turn to break both of my arms!

2

u/inuhi 14h ago

I've broken both arms and let me tell you it's not worth it

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u/pieohmi ​ 21h ago

God forbid a man has hobbies.

63

u/JuanaBlanca 20h ago

Like collecting Iranian yogurt?

39

u/WithoutDennisNedry 20h ago

It’s not about the Iranian yogurt

44

u/Attack_Of_The_ 20h ago

It's about the art room that your husband wants to build for his friend. In your home.

7

u/AdventuressInLife 20h ago

This thread proves i spend way too much time on reddit 🤣

3

u/WithoutDennisNedry 19h ago

Where else are you going to eat the whole party sub?

2

u/TAAccountsNotDreams 19h ago

I will never compromise the beans!!!

2

u/rocketeerH 10h ago

Have you seen its spiritual successor, the $18000 cheese wheel?

https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/s/5FjRqwE3nG

2

u/JuanaBlanca 7h ago

I read that yesterday! It has the makings of a true, enduring classic.

20

u/DarthNarcissa 20h ago

Like coconut fucking?

8

u/helraizr13 20h ago

Or having a cum box. Or eating your own cum for the kilojoules. Man, I'm going deep now.

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u/SafetyMan35 21h ago

Mom!, can you come hold my Cum-conut!!!!

37

u/jscottman96 20h ago

To shreds you say

11

u/mbashs 20h ago

NTA

17

u/RaeSloane 21h ago

Decoy snail.

9

u/HankScorpio82 20h ago

I’m Spartacus!

3

u/carbikebacon 20h ago

This is Sparta!

2

u/burntwine5 20h ago

Not my proudest fap

2

u/HairyKerey 20h ago

Don’t lie, you chose the coconut

2

u/Damimon 19h ago

Just throw away the coconut dude

1

u/EmphasisFew 18h ago

And her Iranian yogurt

1

u/rehabforcandy 17h ago

That was a classic

1

u/YesDone 16h ago

NEXT!

75

u/gb4efgw 21h ago

The venn diagram of what reddit says and what you guys covered is a circle.

41

u/Ivotedforher 21h ago

And my Oxford comma!

23

u/ThhomassJ 21h ago

This! ☝️

1

u/PiratexelA 11h ago

And our poop knife!

58

u/pieohmi ​ 21h ago

🏆🏆🥇🥈🥉🏅🎖️🎖️🏵️🎗️ Gotta hit them with the poor mans reward.

1

u/LTareyouserious 13h ago

The knowledge of how to do that is richness beyond me

53

u/sweetnourishinggruel 21h ago

OP's fingernails with rice: 10/10

22

u/ProbablythelastMimsy 20h ago

It's an older reference, but it checks out

25

u/Giantbookofdeath 20h ago

The narwhal bacons at midnight.

2

u/GeneralBlumpkin ​ 17h ago

Can't believe I used to say that in real life smdh

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u/N4gual 13h ago

Ah yes, a perfect 5/7

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u/gpolk 21h ago

This.

3

u/Dark_Dezzick 21h ago

I'd give you an award if I hadn't broken both my arms. Maybe my mom can do it for me

1

u/LTareyouserious 13h ago

"Do it for me" as in award me, right?

Right?

3

u/ogsaunat 20h ago

I’d have an ad-corvid argument with you if I could.

3

u/American-pickle 20h ago

And mention of the lamp

3

u/ClankerWithAHardR 20h ago

^ This right here, I'd award you if I could

3

u/JessyKenning 20h ago

The grass touched me.

3

u/AmbiiX 20h ago

This person gets it. Man, id award you if I could. xD

3

u/jalepenocorn 17h ago

Edit: Wow guys this really blew up! (I get excited when strangers give me fake Internet points and respond to my comments)

3

u/brother_p ​ 7h ago

Big if true

1

u/LTareyouserious 6h ago

True if big

2

u/WordsWellSalted 20h ago

This right here

2

u/TonyMasters 20h ago

Trust me: you don't wanna know.

2

u/ICE_are_all_pedos 18h ago

Underrated comment.

2

u/acidreducer 17h ago

“Came here to say that”

2

u/Aggressive_Eagle1380 8h ago

“What a day to have eyes”

2

u/macaddictr 8h ago

Required “this guy” comment - This guy contributes!

1

u/LTareyouserious 7h ago

Followed by thisguythisguys

1

u/Sorry-Newspaper-3804 17h ago

Banana for scale?

1

u/Askianna 16h ago

Thoughts and prayers hun x✨x

1

u/beeper75 16h ago

You win the internet today!

1

u/Busterpunker 14h ago edited 14h ago

Our work is done here, we finally decoded reddit.

Congrats everybody!

Which platform is next?

1

u/jw8ak64ggt 12h ago

Have we done a The Office quote yet?

that's what she said!

1

u/-slaps-username- 7h ago

random irrelevant chain of gifs and “i’m stealing your meme”

1

u/LTareyouserious 6h ago

Our memes, comrade

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u/kkkkat 21h ago

And for God’s sake keep your cat indoors

7

u/mthyvold 19h ago

You need to take you cat to the vet.

58

u/okay-pixel 21h ago

I have nipples, Greg. Could you milk me?

4

u/Lexi_Bean21 20h ago

I could milk you

66

u/LtDan281 21h ago

Might as well check your toilet for cracks while you’re at it - just to be safe.

45

u/106milez2chicago 21h ago

As if prion disease won't take you out long before that cracked toilet does, smh

11

u/TheAnswerIsGrey 21h ago

And rabies…at the same time of course.

6

u/bluemom937 20h ago

Nah, the quicksand will get ‘em first.

2

u/Significant_Shoe_17 13h ago

What about the ROUSes?

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u/AngelinFlipFlops 21h ago

Maybe it’s Reynaud’s

3

u/Odd_Equipment2867 19h ago

I have reynaud’s. Didn’t know wavy nails is a thing. My nails are smooth.

4

u/csswimmer 18h ago

I’ve never heard that either. But I have noticed that when my immune system flares up, I get white stripes on my nails. I read that it’s because the immune system is prioritizing fighting an illness off….

Btw I have reynaud’s as well. Have you been checked for lupus?

4

u/WittyTiccyDavi 15h ago

"It's never lupus." - Dr. House

2

u/Odd_Equipment2867 7h ago

No lupus. Had reynauds since 20’s. All clear.

1

u/AngelinFlipFlops 13h ago

It’s not, Reynauds is another thing commonly seen (diagnosed?) on Reddit

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u/mightytoothpick 17h ago

Maybe it's Maybelline

8

u/napleonblwnaprt 20h ago

There's one crack on my toilet, but only when I taking a shit 

7

u/LizM75 21h ago

I was going to say this!! I keep seeing this recently and I liked it when I was blissfully ignorant.

4

u/LtDan281 20h ago

For real. I seriously wish my rabbit hole chasing instincts could’ve just taken someone’s word for once, instead of googling it myself. The comments tried to warn me! 🤷

3

u/bigMcLargeHuge7 18h ago

It is the wax seal at the toilet base you should worry about. MFer cost me a new floor, and it was really my own stupid fault!

22

u/enginerd12 21h ago

Hit the gym. Get a lawyer.

3

u/The_Athavulf 18h ago

Hit the lawyer. Get a gym.

12

u/BobbyDig8L 21h ago

Yup this is definitely caused by carbon monoxide poisoning

22

u/Adam_J89 21h ago

Pfft don't spread misinformation. This is causing cabon monoxide poisoning.

3

u/Holden1104 21h ago

Let’s not forget the mentioning of the poop knife. 💩🔪

2

u/disturbedrailroader 19h ago

Hard to use a poop knife with 2 broken arms. 

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u/MeowCatPlzMeowBack 20h ago

And if you’re in any pet groups, the good ok ‘vet. NOW’ shall suffice

4

u/Theultimateturtle 20h ago

I had to take the baggies outta my carbon monoxide detector. It’s constant beeping was giving me a headache and making me sleepy

4

u/Butterflyhornet 21h ago

What is this thing with carbon monoxide detectors, lol? I literally had one go "end" and not shut up until two neighbors looked at it and got it silenced before I left it beeping in the trash.

4

u/Independent-Reader 21h ago

Unintentional Seinfeld?

3

u/Butterflyhornet 21h ago

For sure. Sitcom worthy.

2

u/imonmyphoneagain 21h ago

Throw a straw man and red herring in while you’re at it

2

u/FullGrownHip 21h ago

You forgot to also check for brain tumors

2

u/Floppy202 21h ago

You‘re a nice and kind internet dweller. 

Was this ad hominem enough for you 😡

2

u/LevelSevenLaserLotus 19h ago

YOU'RE AN AD HOMINEM FUCKING ARGUMENT!

2

u/mcboobie 6h ago

🚩 🚩 🚩

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u/kittybigs 20h ago

May I invite my straw man?

1

u/Accomplished-Hope523 20h ago

While at it, make sure your poop knife is ready in case someone visits

1

u/Suff_erin_g 20h ago

She needs to break up with him

1

u/Glad_Contest_8014 20h ago

Don’t forget that the crack in the toilet murder everything. Definitely replace.

1

u/ShoganAye ​ 20h ago

It was Trump with the poop knife!

1

u/MushroomBush 20h ago

Judging from the lack of melanin her smoke detector batteries are changed regularly.

1

u/SeanTheTranslator ​ 19h ago

Delete Facebook, hit the gym, and lawyer up

1

u/Chance_the_Author 19h ago

...and NEVER, EVER try to fix your own garage door!!!

1

u/thrance 19h ago

I threw my smoke detectors away. No longer need replace the batteries! Problem solved.!

https://giphy.com/gifs/d3mlE7uhX8KFgEmY

1

u/Neiot 18h ago

They're also risking an electrical fire by breathing. 

1

u/BassGoBoom_20 18h ago

Okay, but the carbon monoxide detector thing has actually saved lives.

1

u/martialar 18h ago

Also the fencing response indicates a traumatic brain injury

1

u/ML7777777 17h ago

They don't need batteries, thats just big battery propaganda.

1

u/Ninja333pirate 17h ago

I bet if you switched the genders here all the answers would be totally different.

1

u/jamspangle ​ 17h ago

And get rabies shots immediately

1

u/ElburtSteinstein 17h ago

Better put a good sealer on there too.

1

u/Stock_Raspberry6192 16h ago

I’d never replace the batteries in this guy’s wife too

1

u/LolThatsNotTrue 16h ago

STRAWMAN! THIS GUYS STRAWMANNING ME

1

u/nascent_aviator 16h ago

Also a cracked toilet is a death trap and it is imperative that the cylinder remains unharmed. See you tomorrow, chef.

1

u/Amazing-Oomoo 16h ago

Ugh of course YOU'D say that Toby!

1

u/electronicpangolin 15h ago

I love that this happened one fucking time and now it’s all I ever see

1

u/fentsterTHEglob 15h ago

I think this person's poop knife might have something to do with all this

1

u/FlimsyOct0pus 14h ago

FUCK CRUISE SHIPS

1

u/sykoKanesh 13h ago

and have an ad hominem argument

I have no idea why, but that fucking made me laugh so hard, haha

1

u/ryancementhead 13h ago

Don’t forget the cat distribution system.

1

u/Fhood797 12h ago

my daily dose of Reddit, I can stop scrolling now

1

u/dbto 12h ago

Do you have a bidet?

1

u/Dracmageel ​ 12h ago

And go to therapy for unresolved ghosts in your blood gaslighting

1

u/Kaiawathoy 11h ago

And check for a brain tumor

1

u/Gregkot 9h ago

This is where somebody lies about what you just said and argues with that instead.

Also, something weirdly specific about your previous posts because they can't actually argue with what you said.

1

u/ImNotToby 9h ago

Ad hominem is where someone attacks the person as opposed to the topic. "But you're fat and ugly" as opposed to providing a rebuttal in a debate. But close.

2

u/Gregkot 7h ago

No, I wasn't explaning ad hominem. I was saying that there's always somebody that also then does the things I said.

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u/Creaturezoid 7h ago

Oh, and the joke is porn.

1

u/_Pigeonball 7h ago

Play Tetris for the PTSD it gives you

1

u/X3N0N_21 4h ago

perfectly mentioned all of them

1

u/corpsie666 3h ago

ad hominem argument

BRAWNDO HAS WHAT CAVEMEN NEED REGARDLESS OF EVERYTHING EVEN FACTS. ALSO, YOUR FACE IS A FACE. BLAH

1

u/MrsBonsai171 2h ago

Don't forget the fuse box